Tuesday, December 23, 2014

GOODSTUFF Bearing Gifts

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday.



Are your holiday sprints waning due to your carbon foot print? Are you looking for that prefect Christmas gift for all your blogging friends?


Here at GOODSTUFF’S Carbon Offset Marketplace and Exchange (G-COME) we have taken these matters to heart and donating twelve months worth of carbon credits to all our friends! That’s right one year of free carbon credits! You don’t need to sign up or resister, just harvest the carbon units. Take as many as you and your friends need. There is no limit! 

GOODSTUFF’S  Carbon Offset Marketplace and Exchange (G-COME)
Is where you can exchange, sell, buy, barter or trade carbon credits. The aim is to make this the one stop pump and dump carbon offset exchange. With G-COME you can now participate in a program where Aggregators and Brokers are not taking their slice of the carbon offset pie in the sky.


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The above certificates were issue by well meaning authorities that have granted G-COME with twenty-five trillion tons of carbon offsets trading reserves. Unlike the Chicago Carbon Exchange, G-COME offers additional benefits and does not regulate trades.  

  
 
   
There is no need to give Al Gore any more money by purchasing his phony carbon offsets.

The dot-com era spawned a cottage industry of alternative currencies and loyalty programs. G-COME finance model is base on collecting infinitesimally small fees by participates that click and use the tokens as an electronic global currency. In theory, the proceeds will go to projects that either absorb CO2 from the air (i.e. tree planting) or that will reduce future carbon emissions (such as solar and wind projects).  In reality, the program allows participates to balance out, or offset, their impact on the environment. Now is your chance to take personal responsibility for the environmental consequences of your activities!

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Apparently, since we all generate about two pounds of CO2 per day just by breathing and increases when discussing global warming, climate change, peer-reviewed analysis and global currencies.


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 Therefore, it’s safe assume that we all owe something to offset this offense to nature. At no added cost to participates, G-COME is introducing the above tokens as a new global currency. 

Here at G-COME, we like to keep the exchange user friendly. That is why we don’t require participates to sign up or pay annual fees. Using our exchange you can now offer carbon offset tokens to all your friends as gifts just by copying and plastering! In addition, like no other exchange, G-COME also has a loyalty program! G-COME will issue you one free token every time you post a link to our exchange!


Do you have procrastination issues? Do you want buy prepaid carbon credits for our next vacation? Are you monetarily challenged by the banking calamity? Looking to buy/trade carbon credits to increase your holdings. G-COME uses the above tokens for options trades and does not charge participates for option trades.
With all the benefits offered by G-COME,
why use another exchange?

No trees were harmed in the sending of this message. However, a significant number of electrons were slightly inconvenienced

Have a Merry One
GOODSTUFF


2 comments:

Katy Anders said...

Yeah, I have a lot of cows with digestive problems. When their stomach aches get too bad I drive them around in my Hummer and style their hair with aerosol hair spray.

Could G-COME be useful for me?

Soylent Green said...

I'm going to have to steal those offset because--they're free, right?
No, I lost all my offsets--including the one payable to "gullible dupe"

I actually had a carbon debit in the old sidebar. I'll see if I can find it again. Thanks for reminding me.
And have a cool yule.